people come, people go.

yes, people come, people go. that's how life works.

go, doesn't always mean dying. some, just can't stay in our lives. they leave.

every hello has their good byes. it's funny for me how God set everyone to meet someone special, then decided to take them apart. as we know, if that happens, they were just not meant to be together. they were not born to be with each other. my point is, why should we meet the wrong one? to learn? to respect? to, what?

to be honest, i hate goodbyes. every goodbye is painful. always.
what is the "good" in goodbye?
why should we meet someone, but soon we will have to say good bye to them?

I broke up with my boyfriend almost a month ago. I've let him go, I have. I just haven't moved on yet.
I still wait for him to move on first, no special reason, it's just if he has moved on, then I'll be happy for him, and that's the time to leave. That's the time I would have felt someone better has taken care of him more than I could do.
for you, ABY, be okay..... then I'll be okay too.

-----------------------------------ooo------------------------------------

Today, my Junior High School friend, Theo Santoso, died. He died because of cancer. That's quite surprising to me knowing no one of us never heard that he had cancer. It's just so sudden.
He's a good boy, forgetting some "jokes" that he made before.
I never imagined how painful to be his mom, his dad, knowing their kid leaving this world before having a bachelor degree, marrying a girl, having kids.
their kid, leaving this world earlier than them.

for you, Theo Santoso, may you rest in peace. we love you, we will miss you.

Dear you,

ya, aku ingin menulis tentang kamu. tentang perasaan yang tiba-tiba menyesakkan hari ini. 21 April 2012.
 
entahlah, ketika bangun pagi tadi, aku merasa rindu. rindu canda tawamu, rindu manjamu, rindu cemburumu, rindu amarahmu, rindu segala tentang kamu.

memang aku yang tidak ingin untuk kembali bersama, hanya karena aku merasa takut dengan kesempatan kedua. tidak semua kesempatan kedua berakhir baik, kau tahu?

semua orang bisa melihatnya, masih ada cinta di sini. aku hanya terus menerus menekannya. menolak. dengan alasan takut untuk kembali jatuh, dan sakit. namun sebenarnya, aku sudah jatuh. dan ya, rasanya sakit.

terasa lebih menyedihkan ketika melihatmu tidak baik-baik saja. aku melepasmu, untuk bahagiamu. sebab aku merasa aku tidak bisa memberimu rasa bahagia yang seharusnya menjadi kewajibanku. aku melepasmu, untuk seseorang yang nantinya lebih sabar mendengarkan setiap ceritamu, setiap candamu. untuk orang yang nantinya lebih mengerti siapa kamu, bagaimana kamu, dan bagaimana mencintaimu dengan benar.

aku hanya tak ingin menjadi bebanmu, membuatmu lebih banyak fikiran, hilang fokus, sakit. kamu tidak bisa menerima keras kepalaku, caraku menyelesaikan masalahku, sifat pencemburuku, dan segala hal yang membuatmu semakin berat untuk menjalani hari denganku. untuk itu, aku melepasmu. agar kamu lebih bahagia menjalani hari-harimu. tanpaku.

Believe me, I did love you. and I still do.
May happiness be with you, anytime, wherever you are and with whomever you are.

Love,
n.